MLIA
I discovered something today.
M.L.I.A.
My.
Life.
Is.
Average.
shocking isn't it.
Me = average
Yep, ordinary, plain, mediocre. (big sigh.)
What's the big deal you say?
Well, I have always held on to this dream,
a silly dream really.
A dream that one day I will become famous for something.
(stop laughing)
Once a year I like to sit down in front of the TV with a bowl of popcorn, restrain the kids from being within 20 feet of me and indulge in watching a lifetime full of Hollywood nauseating nonsense.
Also known as the Oscars.
anybody else with me?
Every year I watch with fevered excitement all the red carpet glory, pageantry and self-serving silliness. I love the...glitz
and legs,
and the productions,
Did I mention the glitz and glam? 
A few Sundays ago, I sat blissfully alone again watching the Oscars and I dared to make myself a promise. A promise that one day I would be at the Oscars, as an actress, a designer, a reporter, a newly discovered writer, director or host.
(OK, stop laughing again)
I soon had a reality check later that night while I was doing laundry and smelling socks to see if they were clean...(they weren't...)
and that's when it all sunk in.
My Life Is Average. * cue the Adele soundtrack.
A while back I found a website called My Life is Average.
It spoke to me.
Average people observing ordinary events in typical ways making the rest of us feel exceptionally...mediocre. Here is a sampling.
So here are a few of my own "average" creations;
Today, my baby ran around all day looking like an orphan while I sat curled up on the couch and finished The Hunger Games. I hope someone fed him.
MPAA #My Priorities Are Average.
Today, my daughter claimed her life is so hard and unfair and she does more work than anyone in the whole family. I tried to keep a straight face. MSIA #My Sympathy Is Average.
Today, I decided to teach my kids a lesson and instituted a communal family underwear and sock basket. I will sort no more I declared! The kids thanked me each time as they grabbed random socks and underwear from the basket as needed.
"Your best idea yet mom!" they exclaimed.
MHSAA #My Housekeeping Skills Are Average.
Today my children asked to play with play dough, I said no...
They asked to do science experiments with leftover food...I said no.
They asked to build a fire for s'mores...I said no.
They asked to invite some friends over...I said no.
They asked to climb up on the shed roof in a wind storm with blankets and try to parachute down...
...I said yes.
MMSAA #My Mothering Skills Are Average
Today, my son dressed up as Harry Houdini for his school wax museum. It occurred to me as I sat there in the auditorium, that possibly a bunch of fifth graders know more about American History than I do. (not one word Will) MIIA #My Intelligence is Average
Today, we received a late night phone call from our son saying he
"accidentally slid off the road." and asked if we could hurry cause it was cold. Ha!
needless to say, OPIA # Our Patience is Average.
Today, during a Family Talent Show I demonstrated for the crowd my ability to growl like a dog at my one year old son and watched as he eventually cries in terror and runs away.
MTAA # My Talents Are Average.
Today, prior to his date arriving, I was giving my teenager son advice on how to flirt with girls, and how to exhibit flirtatious behavior on a first date. I didn't realize those skills come naturally to most teenage boys. gulp. MAIQ #My Advice Is Questionable.
Today,my son tried to take a picture of a sweet moment of me and my daughter.
He kept telling me I needed to tuck in my neck.
MLAA # My Looks Are Average.
MCIBA # My Confidence Is Below Average
Today I realized I never require my kids to wash their hands before dinner. Or wash their hands at all for that matter. MSAA # My Standards Are Average
Today, my husband and I went on a date. We ate fast food, talked about what we were going to do with our unruly kids, fought a little and were home by 9:00.
MMIA #My Marriage Is Average
Today, we took the whole family to see a Jazz game...(i think).
OBIA # Our Budget is Average
Today, we tried again to have Family Home Evening, which of course is where Dean and I sit around and pretend to maintain civility as the kids slowly wear us down and take over control.
OSIA #Our Spirituality is Average
And then it hit me.
M.L.I.A.
My.
Life.
Is.
Average.
shocking isn't it.
It's high time I face the music
and feel the sting of my average life
as it hits me like a huge slap in the face.
Me = average
What's the big deal you say?
Well, I have always held on to this dream,
a silly dream really.
A dream that one day I will become famous for something.
(stop laughing)
Once a year I like to sit down in front of the TV with a bowl of popcorn, restrain the kids from being within 20 feet of me and indulge in watching a lifetime full of Hollywood nauseating nonsense.
Also known as the Oscars.
anybody else with me?
Every year I watch with fevered excitement all the red carpet glory, pageantry and self-serving silliness. I love the...glitz
and glam,
and gowns,
and legs,
and the skits,
(OK, stop laughing again)
I soon had a reality check later that night while I was doing laundry and smelling socks to see if they were clean...(they weren't...)
and that's when it all sunk in.
My Life Is Average. * cue the Adele soundtrack.
A while back I found a website called My Life is Average.
It spoke to me.
Average people observing ordinary events in typical ways making the rest of us feel exceptionally...mediocre. Here is a sampling.
So here are a few of my own "average" creations;
Today, my baby ran around all day looking like an orphan while I sat curled up on the couch and finished The Hunger Games. I hope someone fed him.
MPAA #My Priorities Are Average.
Today, my daughter claimed her life is so hard and unfair and she does more work than anyone in the whole family. I tried to keep a straight face. MSIA #My Sympathy Is Average.
Today, I decided to teach my kids a lesson and instituted a communal family underwear and sock basket. I will sort no more I declared! The kids thanked me each time as they grabbed random socks and underwear from the basket as needed.
"Your best idea yet mom!" they exclaimed.
MHSAA #My Housekeeping Skills Are Average.
Today my children asked to play with play dough, I said no...
They asked to do science experiments with leftover food...I said no.
They asked to build a fire for s'mores...I said no.
They asked to invite some friends over...I said no.
They asked to climb up on the shed roof in a wind storm with blankets and try to parachute down...
...I said yes.
MMSAA #My Mothering Skills Are Average
Today, my son dressed up as Harry Houdini for his school wax museum. It occurred to me as I sat there in the auditorium, that possibly a bunch of fifth graders know more about American History than I do. (not one word Will) MIIA #My Intelligence is Average
Today, we received a late night phone call from our son saying he
"accidentally slid off the road." and asked if we could hurry cause it was cold. Ha!
needless to say, OPIA # Our Patience is Average.
MTAA # My Talents Are Average.
Today, prior to his date arriving, I was giving my teenager son advice on how to flirt with girls, and how to exhibit flirtatious behavior on a first date. I didn't realize those skills come naturally to most teenage boys. gulp. MAIQ #My Advice Is Questionable.
Today,my son tried to take a picture of a sweet moment of me and my daughter.
He kept telling me I needed to tuck in my neck.
MLAA # My Looks Are Average.
MCIBA # My Confidence Is Below Average
Today I realized I never require my kids to wash their hands before dinner. Or wash their hands at all for that matter. MSAA # My Standards Are Average
Today, my husband and I went on a date. We ate fast food, talked about what we were going to do with our unruly kids, fought a little and were home by 9:00.
MMIA #My Marriage Is Average
Today, we took the whole family to see a Jazz game...(i think).
OBIA # Our Budget is Average
Today, we tried again to have Family Home Evening, which of course is where Dean and I sit around and pretend to maintain civility as the kids slowly wear us down and take over control.
OSIA #Our Spirituality is Average
Today, my daughter pulled each and every box from the storage room to find her
"cowgirl get-up" cause she said she wanted to practice her cowgirls skills on our kitty.
That lasted all of three minutes. The storage room is still in shambles.
MKAA #My Kids Are Average
Maybe that's it!
Maybe, just maybe my kids will be my ticket to the red carpet, fame and fortune.
yes maybe...
ooooh..
awwwhhh...brilliant idea...
uh yeah, maybe not.
Comments
Hil, you are my most favorite average friend I have. I love your average family and your average kids, your average husband, and I love going on average dates with you guys. Lets continue to enjoy our mediocrity together.