And so it comes down to this.

Christmas night 2010

And again I find myself sitting here in the glow of the Christmas tree in my velour jumpsuit that I seem to purchase for myself each year, but convince Dean he bought it for me. I've had this glazed over, sleep deprived smile on my face since Thursday, River looks concerned..

The presents are all unwrapped, the stuffed garbage sacks overflowing in the backroom, (somehow we missed garbage day this week - the worst possible week of the year to miss garbage day.)

The kids are a little shaky from the sugar rush, as they go through each other's pile of loot.

It's been a good day.

Kids getting surprised;

or kids getting exactly what they wanted,

after thinking that I didn't hear them tell me what they wanted six or seven times a day for the last three weeks.

And yet I find myself sitting here still wanting more.

Not more presents,
Not more shopping,
Not more numbers on the to-do list

Just more time to enjoy it all.
More taking it easy with the kids,
More time for sentimental, homemade gifts,
More time to share with those who don't have as much.

Sometimes I feel guilty about having so much.

Christmas morning I took a picture of the tree with all the presents underneath before the mayhem started.

I looked at Dean and he said "we did good."

We both have questioned many times how our parents did it.
How did they make Christmas magical for us as kids each and every year?

Now the burden opportunity is ours.

I knew it was just a matter of hours before we would be cleaning it all up,
searching for lost race track parts and accounting for all the money spent.

I ask myself, 'now what's my focus?'
For a good month and a half all I have thought about is typical Christmas this and that.

Now the beloved Christmas lights outside are being neglected.
Now the movie Elf has been replaced by newer, less Christmassy movies.
The "biggest sale of the year" ad on the bathroom floor that once grabbed my attention now seems pointless.

A few days ago, an sweet older lady at a store checkout gave me some advice when I mentioned that I wasn't finished with my Christmas shopping yet. She said not to worry, that all children want for Christmas is peace, and the love of their family at Christmas time.

Yeah, I guess...

But tell that to my teenagers fist bumping over their new iPods.

I hope you had a wonderful day.


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