Poor Dean

Lately I have been crying

Not just a little…a lot.

You thought Kate Gosselin cried a lot when she got the boot on DWTS-
Nooooo…sorry, I have her beat by a long shot.

I would have to say that during my 7 postpartum phases
I have only experienced the baby blues two or maybe three times.

Nothing severe, just feeling down and weepy and I never know why.

But for some reason these last couple of weeks I have been one big mess

It’s ok to be down as long as you don’t stay down.

Dean’s work gave him a week off when I had the baby.

I don’t know if that was a good thing-

Dean has been a witness to it all.

When Dean went shopping for me and bought baloney instead of turkey lunch meat...
I went to my room and cried.
(I have never in my life bought baloney, how could he not know that? )

When Dean asked me when I was going to cut off my hospital ID bracelets as it was going on three days since I left the hospital...
I went to my room and cried.

When my camera battery died and the light was fading and I still hadn't taken a perfect picture of the new baby...
I went to my room and cried.

While the family was at church-I got down on the floor to play Barbie’s with Quincy; she looked at me and got up and left the room...
I went to my room and cried.

When we left the hospital
I cried...

When my milk came in I cried...

When Dean went back to work I cried...

When my Dad called and asked me how I was doing…I cried

When Brett said “Mom, the baby will be five years old when I go on a mission”… I cried

When the baby was about to turn one week old, I counted down the seconds…then cried

When I saw my double chin in almost every picture of me in the hospital...I cried

When I was the only one awake at night...I cried

When the Relief Society meals stopped coming...I cried

When I realized that Canyon doesn’t fit into newborn diapers anymore...I cried

Dean is a fixer, as most men are.

When I was crying he just wanted to fix it so I would stop the crying.

There was nothing he could fix.

So he just acted nice and mostly found excuses to get out of the house.

("Oh no! looks like we are out of milk again…I’ll Go!")

So my darling Dean –

Just to let you know I am feeling much better.

The sun is out,

the birds are chirping

and I can finally fit into my
“big jeans”.

But just a warning;

This Monday my parents are leaving on a mission for the next year and a half;

I hate goodbye's

And us Neves’ aren’t really known for our composed, unemotional behavior.

So let the crying continue,
 and bring on the tissues!


daisy said…
Hil, you are so cute. I remember bawling my eyes out for months after I had Kassidy. It was horrible - I just remember thinking that all of her firsts, were going to be all my lasts with a baby of my own. It sucked! I would just look at her and start crying - there was never any reason! I just want you to know you are not alone :) But I am sure many of your friends have already told you that. I feel for you having to deal with your parents leaving on their mission too. But you are an amazing lady with a great family. You will be fine!
Platt Lucky 7 said…
Friend-- I am here for you!! I feel like we are going through this together. We need to get together when I move back to SpF. :)
Merrie said…
This may be your best blog ever. Ha ha. Your so not feeling better this soon so don't lie:)And Hilary, you are awesome. This is exactly what you are supposed to be doing right now and your doing a fantastic job because your kids are the best AND they know they are loved. That's all the matters.

Popular Posts