baby boy bliss... the birth
It may seem like it the way we are carrying on about our new little boy.
We are on 24/7 new baby mode around here.
However this special newborn baby time has only a short little sacred window
and then all of a sudden we are all old news and life moves on.
So, indulge me if you will...(and I will try to be discreet)
My weekly doctor visits leading up to my due date were normal and routine.
The doctor said I was a 2 or 3 and about fifty percent effaced.
So I was determined to go into labor on my own.
I walked a lot, and ran errands and went hiking hoping to promote contractions.
And it worked!
I was having strong contractions for at least two weeks leading up to the baby's birth.
Just nothing ever progressed.
Two Friday's ago I called Dean at work in a panic and when he picked up the phone I said without a doubt…
”this is it; I need you to hurry home!”
I had inconsistent contractions all that night and kept waiting for things to get hard but by Saturday morning it had all faded away.
Which was actually just fine with me because to tell you the truth I was having major anxiety about labor.
If the doctor would’ve let me go overdue another week I would’ve jumped at the chance.
But here we were, Saturday…Sunday I was to be induced. There was no backing out.
To take my mind off things, I told the kids we could have a baby shower.
River called it a “baby wash”
We went to BYU and ran around and then out to eat.
so I finally turned off the lights and went up to my room.
I laid down next to her on her pillow and just let go and cried my eyes out.
Don’t ask me why…
too many reasons to speak of.
I was having a lot of self-doubt
worry and sadness.
I worried about our changing family dynamics.
I regreted having another baby when Quincy still just a baby herself.
The next morning came so quickly.
We arrived at the hospital just after 6:00 am.
I got the best room.
Lucky #7 - with the view of the mountains.
She was a bit alarmed and said she couldn’t find either a head or feet.
She could barely find my cervix. They brought in an ultrasound and found that the baby was just hanging up high and really far back even though I was a week overdue.
He was laying in a curled up horseshoe shape.
Which meant that I was basically starting at a zero.
I was so scared I started shaking and couldn’t stop. They brought in those heavenly warmed blankets.
The next few hours were filled with me trying to sleep and relax while Dean,
standing at the ready quietly watched TV.
As the contractions were getting harder I repeated in my mind…“I can handle this…everything is fine…I’m a survivor…I’ve done this before…calm and cool and relaxed”
But soon Doctor T. came in and broke my water and things started to speed up right away.
All that calmness went right out the window. Especially when the nurse checked me and I was just a 3.
I was devastated.
After another hour of hard contractions the nurse checked me again and I was only a five.
Oh the agony!
This time, the thoughts going through my mind were
“if this gets any harder I am going to ask for some pain meds! “
I even had a well thought out plan…
Dean told me later that at one point during labor I was asking about my earrings that I had forgotten to put in.
In my deranged mind I was thinking that if he realized that I didn’t have earrings in he would read my mind and go down to the gift shop and buy me some.
Then while he was gone that would be my chance to ask the nurse about some pain meds. Isn’t that crazy?
It has always been MY choice to NOT get an epidural;
in fact the labor process is very emotionally and physically hard on Dean.
But he helps me every step of the way.
I wanted to make him proud of me.
Thank goodness Dean knew the stages of labor and knew that I was deep in transition and ignored all my silly requests for earrings.
The nurse came in one more time to ask me how things were going. At this point I was kneeling on the lowered part of the bed and leaning forward on pillows because there are pressure points in the knees that ease labor.
The nurse typed a few things on the computer then pushed in the keyboard and left.
I can still hear the sound of the door shutting.
It was a lonely sound.
I wanted to yell to her to come back and help me because the baby was coming.
But I was so scared she would come back and tell me I was still a 5.
A few more contractions later,
just as I thought I would rather just surrender myself to death (too dramatic?)
All of a sudden I was hit with the most overpowering urge known to man...
and I felt like pushing. - So I just went with it.
And sure enough the baby was coming. We were alone in the room.
Dean grabbed my face and turned mine to his and in a semi-panic said;
“Hil, just breath…don’t push” (which is like holding back a river…impossible)
So I kept pushing while still kneeling.
Dean called the nurse and she calmly walked in ready to check me
but quickly realized that the baby was almost out.
She hit the panic button and soon the room filled with three doctors and five nurses.
Then while still kneeling and backwards and with one grand push ...
I delivered a sweet nine pound eight ounce baby boy.
My good doctor came running into the room just a few minutes too late.
Through all the commotion Dean whispered “It’s a boy”
I couldn’t even see him with all the people scurrying about.
Finally they handed him to me and my heart melted.
It was all worth it.
Every minute of
was all worth that very first moment
1:08 pm Sunday afternoon on the twenty fifth of April when I held my new son for the first time with my sweet husband standing next to me wiping my tears.