4.19.2010

In Between


Every day of life has the ”in-between moments”.

You know…

The time between having done

And having to do again.

The moments of the day after things have ended and you anticipate the next.

Like after the bus leaves in the morning, but before the kids get home

Or after dinner but before bed

After the kids go to bed, and before they wake up.

During these in-between moments of my day I am usually wanting to fast forward to the next thing going on.

After the hustle of getting the kids ready for school and watching the bus pull away from our house; I find myself somewhat preparing and even looking forward to their return.

And then when they are actually home with the TV on and the demands for my time and attention start; I inevitably wish I could fast forward to bedtime when the house gets quiet and I am left with a little “me time”

I was thinking yesterday of the “In-between moment” I find myself in now.

I am waiting for our new baby to arrive.

Nine months of waiting, and it comes down to this.

We are all getting impatient.

Even now as I write this post;
a contraction (false or real who knows...) travels down my lower back and I give an intolerant sigh.

I fight the deeply-felt urge to have the relief of “being done.”

In the past I usually want to be on the other side of pregnancy.

To be done with the pain, and the labor process and just have the little baby in my arms already.

But this time as I sense this is my last time being pregnant;

I am trying desperately to hold on to these last in-between moments with this baby.

When Brett was just little I couldn’t wait for him to talk, or walk or ride a bike, or eat solids etc.

I kept looking forward with anticipation for him to reach his next milestone.

Now here he is at fourteen – shaving the “peach fuzz” on his upper lip, picking out his own clothes and combing his own hair, asking to drive every time we get in the car together, and making himself two ham sandwiches for his afterschool “snack.”

Where did all those “in-between moments” of his fourteen years go?

Probably I was caught up with inconsequesntial things.

But here I am again...40 weeks pregnant. For the seventh time.

Today I am trying to savor the uncomfortable nights...

the awkward and round size of my belly...

the super- unflattering clothes...

the ice-crunching and dirt craving (yes, I am going to admit that)

the doctor visits, the heartburn, the swollen feet...

and the alien-like kicks and jabs of the baby moving around in my belly.

I don’t want any of it to end.

And just now… Quincy walks up to me and slaps my belly and says “baby!”

Emotion washes over me.

I need to take a deep breath and realize that there is a time and a season for everything.

And now the “in-between moments” of this day are getting away from me,
...it’s almost time to start dinner and I am already looking forward to saying "goodnight" and sitting on my bed chomping ice and having "me time."

8 comments:

Nikki said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amie said...

So well said, I often feel the same way as I find my day slipping by. I love the last picture of you and Quincy....so priceless. Enjoy these little moments. I can't wait to meet this new little one. :)

Cody and Tracie Bradford said...

I know EXACTLY what you mean. I have never loved the baby stage but when I had Brynlie and I thought she was my last one I didn't want her to sit or crawl but then I found out I was pregnant with Brielle and now I am so sad because she is getting so big and I just want to freeze all of my kids in the ages they are at. I can't wait to find out what you are having. Let me know when you have it!

Diana said...

Sweetie---you said it just right--the inconsequential times are the most enduring. Your blog captures those sweet times so well--like Q sleeping on your lap for one of few last times she'll be the baby of the family. She is and was the darling-est little one, how can another one ever grab our love like Brett did or Lauren or Wade Golden or River Jane or Kal. You and Dean make the kids seem so special. This is a very blessed home the little one gets to come to--he/she must have done something good to earn your home.
I've thought of you all day today. Love you so much little/big Hil--may you be blessed with deep, healthy, strengthening sleep. Lv, Mom

Ali said...

Hil - I cry with the same emotions you are feeling. My baby is 17 months and I really am still a bit traumatized that I think she is my baby baby. We all should charish every minute - and you have to check out the book "Let Me Hold You Longer" by Karen Kingsbury. (I think my mom just got it at the school bookfare.

Jill said...

beautifully said! can't wait to see your new little addition.

Saffron Grass said...

Oh Hil, for a moment, I indulged the thought of having one more. How many times can we say, 'this is the last time...', but we will always be saying it with some aspect of life. I can't believe still that you are going to have seven. And Mom is right, you make all the kids feel so special. They prolly have fights in Heaven over who gets to come down and be a Roberts.
And just this little request. Can I be there in the hospital during delivery? I've always wanted to see a real-life 'natural' birth. Let me know.

Platt Lucky 7 said...

I feel the same way.

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